We got some take out from the Chinese restaurant down the road from home the other night because they have the greatest lemon chicken in Canada. It was yummy and I enjoyed the meal until I got to the fortune cookie.
Crunching on the tasty bits of cookie, I read the words of wisdom bestowed upon me by, well, probably just randomly by some machine in a factory, but let's assume, for the hell of it, that a fortune cookie actually is just that: a specific, individual, yet vague, prediction or insight into a particular person's future.
If that's the case, then I think the universe is taking cheap shots at me and I feel somewhat insulted. My fortune, tucked inside the crunchy folds of my cookie, said, "You have a slow and unhurried natural rhythm." To me that just seems like an unnecessarily polite way of saying, "You are lazy and unmotivated."
That's a hell of a thing to be told by a piece of food.
(Now, there are probably other ways in which that sentence could be interpreted, but frankly, I couldn't be bothered thinking of any. Hell, it took my three days just to get around to bitching about it on a blog. Hmmmmm, maybe it's not so slanderous, after all.)
It got me wondering what other cryptic, backhanded insults have been doled out under the auspices of clairvoyant confectionery. Are there fortune cookies that say things like...
"Your non-traditional appearance is augmented by your parent's imaginative sense of fashion." (You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.)
"Your stark olfactory presence ensures an unobstucted path in life." (You smell so bad, even homeless people avoid you.)
"Your flexibity gives you a unique perspective on the past." (You have your head up your ass.)
"You were raised with a large maternal presense." (Your mama is so fat...)
Crunching on the tasty bits of cookie, I read the words of wisdom bestowed upon me by, well, probably just randomly by some machine in a factory, but let's assume, for the hell of it, that a fortune cookie actually is just that: a specific, individual, yet vague, prediction or insight into a particular person's future.
If that's the case, then I think the universe is taking cheap shots at me and I feel somewhat insulted. My fortune, tucked inside the crunchy folds of my cookie, said, "You have a slow and unhurried natural rhythm." To me that just seems like an unnecessarily polite way of saying, "You are lazy and unmotivated."
That's a hell of a thing to be told by a piece of food.
(Now, there are probably other ways in which that sentence could be interpreted, but frankly, I couldn't be bothered thinking of any. Hell, it took my three days just to get around to bitching about it on a blog. Hmmmmm, maybe it's not so slanderous, after all.)It got me wondering what other cryptic, backhanded insults have been doled out under the auspices of clairvoyant confectionery. Are there fortune cookies that say things like...
"Your non-traditional appearance is augmented by your parent's imaginative sense of fashion." (You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.)
"Your stark olfactory presence ensures an unobstucted path in life." (You smell so bad, even homeless people avoid you.)
"Your flexibity gives you a unique perspective on the past." (You have your head up your ass.)
"You were raised with a large maternal presense." (Your mama is so fat...)
