Blinded By The Light

(The following opinion, in all its validity, was adapted nearly verbatim for a play I'm writing. The fact that it has been applied to a work of fiction does not detract from the reality of the hazard created by the morons mentioned therein.)


Headlights are way out of control. Seriously.
People don’t understand how to use headlights anymore. If they’re driving and it gets dark outside or rains or gets a little bit overcast or if the sun goes behind a cloud for a few seconds, people think that they are legally obligated to flip on their high beams.
For safety.
Because the highway will be so much safer if the guy in front of you is suddenly blinded.
And if it’s not the high beam morons, it's the stupid road weasels with their after-market fifty billion candle-watt halogen headlights. I mean, life is stressful enough, right? But I try to drive safely. I’m willing to make the effort to try not to actually kill any of the utter meat sacks that I have to share the road with. And I glance in my rear view mirror, as a safe driver should, and boom, I think I’m having a stroke. There’s this intense pain behind my eyes and I can smell something burning. Turns out it’s the smoke wafting up from my burning retinas because Needle Nuts McGee back there thinks that, while driving on the highway, I might have a sudden desire to cast shadow puppets on the freaking moon and he’s just trying to be helpful.
So, my vision slowly returns, just in time to see some moron on my right, who’s doing a steady ten klicks slower than everyone else, decide that he urgently needs to be in the express lanes. He veers across three lanes of traffic, which is moving faster than him, remember, so that he can get on the transfer ramp about fifty metres after the solid white , do-not-cross “V” that divided the lanes. Nearly kills forty-seven people to get over there.
They just call them express lanes, buddy! It doesn’t actually mean anything! And you’re going slower than everyone else on the whole freaking planet, anyway, so you’re obviously not in a hurry. You’re just stupid.
I spend a lot of time driving. I’ve seen all sorts of stupid drivers, bad drivers, nervous drivers and life-long pedestrians who have no business getting behind the wheel of a car in the first place. I’ve noticed a few interesting patterns with different types of drivers. It helps me decide which cars to not be behind or to avoid completely. One thing I’ve noticed, and you’re more than welcome to disagree with me on this, it’s just my opinion (which happens to be right) but I’ve found that, on average, people with religious bumper stickers, people who firmly believe that travelling at ninety to a hundred kilometres an hour in a two tonne steel killing machine is the appropriate time to share their views on faith with total strangers who are also travelling at a hundred kilometres an hour in their own two tonne killing machines, these people, on average, are really bad drivers.
As near as I can tell, they seem to feel that their total faith in God gives them an excuse not to actually accept responsibility for anything that happens. “God’s will.” “God will get me safely to my destination.” “God is my co-pilot.” Well, for Christ’s sake, would one of you grab the freaking wheel?