Mini-Gripes

• They were out of regular peanut butter at the store, so we got light peanut butter. Yep, Skippy Light, the healthier version of a food spread that can glue your tongue to the roof of your mouth. Does this not seem like an odd product to make to "light" version of? What's next, low-fat lard?

• Whatever happened to Reinhold Weege?

• Have you seen the ad for the Bo-Flex home torture kit? The one with the smug guy who's recently embraced his exhibitionist tendencies? Don't you just wanna slap him?
  "I gave all my fat clothes to my fat friends."
  Did you call them fat when you bestowed this wondrous gift of kindness upon them?
  Sure, you may be all ripped and toned now, ya bug-eyed freak, but deep inside, where it really counts, you're still a fat guy. All it'll take is one little slip up, one missed work out, one bit of temptation and that fat guy will rise back to the surface, like the bloated corpse of your dignity, bobbing around the harbour while gawking tourists and fishermen take photos.
  I'd like to track this guy down and leave a box of donuts on his doorstep, ring the bell and run away. Next, leave two boxes of donuts, then three the next. Within a week he'll be a blubbery slug waddling around his house again, unable to take his walrus-like girth outside because he gave away all his fat clothes.

• There's another "buy-this-it's-good-for-you" ad on TV, but I was so distracted and confused by what they were threatening to send to my home, that I have no idea what the actual product is.
  Here's the thing... When you speak, without even being aware that you're doing it, you leave the tiniest pause between words, thus indicating to the listener, mainly on a subconscious level, that you have finished that word and are now starting the next word. This is what makes human communication possible, otherwiseitwouldjustbeahugemessofwordsandsoundsrunningtogetherandyouwouldn'tknowhatthehellanyofitmeans.
  But not these guys. Throughout the commercial the words "Free DVD" kept flashing on the screen. However, the two people doing the voice over told me about 18 times during the 60 second ad that if I ordered now they would send me a freedy veedy.
  I don't know what a freedy veedy is, but I was somewhat frightened by how adamant they were about sending one to my house.
  I even checked the urban dictionary it told me that freedy veedy isn't defined yet. Holy crap, it defies description and they're sending one to get me!